Jokes

[MunkyButt]

tell me the funniest joke you know and i will give you 10xcash. im gonna give this thread exactly one day. i will be the only judge and ill decide who wins.

[John Tennison]

Ok, Mickey Mouse's lawyer calls him up. He says, "You know, I checked just to make sure, but I'm telling you, you can't divorce Minney just because she's crazy." Mickey replies, in his speaky-yet-angry mouse voice, "I didn't say she was crazy! I said she was freaking goofy!"

[MunkyButt]

funny.:|

[unicycler]

I personaly like that joke, I am going to have to tell that to some of my friends.

[John Tennison]

It's better in person... especialy if you can do a good Mickey voice.

[MunkyButt]

if no one else posts then you will win by default.

[caprarioreed25]

Why did Hitler kill himself?

He got his gas bill.

[Darc^2]

Two men are in a fighter jet. The pilot opens up his lunch box and cringes in disgust. Then he opens the pit top a tad and throws out an apple. The gunner says "Why did you do that?" The pilot replies "My wife knows I hate those things." So the Gunner opens his lunch pale. He does precisely the same thing with a banana using the same excuse as the pilot. Soon after the pilot has a scratch. He reaches down to itch and accidentely pulls a clip from a grenade he has on his belt. He screams "Holy Crap!" And quickly throws the grenade out of the cockpit. Later that day the two pilots land and decide to go catch some sleep before they head back to camp. On the way there they see a little boy crying. They ask the boy why he is crying and he replies "I got hit in the head with an apple." The two keep walking and come pu to a girl crying. They look at each other and proceed to ask why she is also crying. She replies "I got hit in the head with a banana." The two hurry on towards the camp. As they get closer to the camp the two see a huge pillar of smoke rising from the camp itself. Then beside the camp they see a little boy laughing his bum off. They stop and ask him why he was laughing at such a horrible thing. He replies " I farted turned around and this camp blew up!".

Later

[John Tennison]

*shudders at the oh-so-wrong technical bits but laughs anyway.*

I've heard that one before. It's pretty funny.

I really need to let go of my need for accuracy... They don't carry food or grenades in jets, so what? *walks into a bar...* *... it hurts.*

[unicycler]

A man leaves for work and tells his wife good bye. After he is gone his wife turns on the tv to look at the news. She hears a report that somebody is driving the wrong way down the freeway. She panics knowing that her husband goes to work that way, so she calls him and he replies "It's not just one car, it's hundreds."

[MunkyButt]

unicycler wins.

you barely made it. you had 27 minutes before the clock ran out.

[ABC123]

The contest is over but I'll tell the joke. Please don't warn me!

Man 1: Hitler says he's going to kill millions of jews and 5 clowns.

Man 2:Why the 5 clowns?

Man 3:See, told ya no one cares about the jews!

It's a joke, don't take it seriously!

--ABC123

[caprarioreed25]

Congratulations Unicycler.

[John Tennison]

*agrees with cap*

[unicycler]

Unicycler won?

That joke wasn't even funny...rigged I say!

Yay, controversy about nothing. I'm proud of you cap.

[caprarioreed25]

Calm down dude, I was just in shock your joke one is all.

Not trying to stir controversey.

[The First]

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarter back!

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[denacioust]

LOL, Crusty that was just so pathetic [/kidding] it was funny

[The First]

..no, it was pathetic. How about this one:

Why did the SHEEP cross the road?

He needed to get to the baa-rber shop!
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[SiduriCQ]

I got a good one, even though the contest is over. This one is worth hearing though. sorry if your a liberal. Keep in mind this is a joke, not real, not meant to be taken seriously.

Ok, so God goes up to St. Peter and says,"Hey, Heaven's getting kinda full so only let people in who have a good reason for dieing."

"Okay," said Peter. So a few minutes later this guy walked up. Peter stopped him from going in saying,"Excuse me sir, how did you die?"

The guy said,"Well, I came home from work, and my wife was in bed naked. She said she was alone but I thought there was another guy around. I started searching our 21st floor apartment. I went on the balcony and saw this guy hanging from the railing. I started beatin' his hands until he fell, landing in some bushes. He looked alive but couldnt get up. I was so angry at him i dragged our refrigerator to the balcony and threw it over the railing. It landed on him and killed him. Afterwards i felt so bad, i jumped off the railing, missed the bushes and died on impact."

St Peter looked alarmed at this story, but said,"Ok, i guess thats an ok reason. Go on in." So a few minutes later another guy walks up. St. Peter says to him,"Hey, how did you die?"

The guy said,"Well, I was out on my apartment balcony reading when i heard some noise down below. I looked down, and slipped over the railing. I thought i was gonna die then, but i grabbed a railing maybe 20 floors up. Then all of a sudden this guy comes out and starts beating on my hands! He whacked them until i fell. I landed in some bushes though, it felt like my back was broken. Then all of a sudden, this refrigerator comes from over the railing where i fell and lands on me killing me."

St Peter said,"Well....that's interesting. Go on in." So then, a few minutes later, former president Bill Clinton walks up. St Peter jumped up and said,"Wow! Hello, Mr. Clinton, my goodness, how did you die??"

Clinton said,"Well, you're never gonna believe this, but I was naked in a refrigerator."