Just typing to type.

[jason]

Ever since I could remember, I've had horrible anxiety. I have troubles speaking up. I can barely hold a conversation. This has stopped me from doing many things in my life and has even caused me to almost drop out of school.
Before, I could get by... I got through grade school. I would keep to my work. It's what my parents wanted. Then I got to highschool, and I started to have the ability to make decisions. My anxiety got worse, slowly developing into a deep depression. I managed to get the credits required for me to graduate down to 11. Hell, I don't know how. I've barely gone to highschool. I've taken more time off in one year then people take their entire lives.

I've been seeing a psychologist. She has done wonders for broadening my mind. Telling me the way I think is actually quite unique. My anxiety continues to thicken. It's been crippling me from any kind of interaction for years. It seems it's only getting worse.

My lovely friend, she has helped me so much. I don't know how or why she's my friend... but heck, if she ain't one hell of friend. I suppose it's because we both have similar problems.

Last couple months... I've barely left my room. I locked myself away. Fearing I guess. I want to change, I want to be able to do these things... But.. I just can't. Blocked by a wall. Constant thoughts to myself of "Why can't I just DO this".

I've been prescribed meds... I start on them tomorrow. Who knows, they may work. I just hope they don't change who I am. I like who I am... other then the part of me that keeps me from being happy. I've always had it.

I hope to finally have some glimmer of light that I can feel, or connect to.

Past girlfriends.. They seemed very connected to me. I never felt it back, though.. I guess when nothing bothers you because of this huge emotional block it allows you to only think of other persons needs. This tends to make the selfish very very happy.

Wow, meds... It was brought up to me. I guess it won't be much different then when I was smoking a half quad a day of mary jane. I've been off that for 3 months for the first time in 3 years. It was the only thing keeping me holding on.

It did its job, I guess I'm moving on from it now though. Though, jake.. I'll still spark up that doobie with you sometime.

Just trying to clear my head.. I'm kind of everywhere. Still in the deep grasp of depression. Anxiety... A feeling I've always had. I thought that was life. Apparently, to the extreme I get, well... It's not.

Starting meds today actually. Seeing as I'm nervous to start taking them. I've never been a fan of pills. I avoid taking even advil.

I guess I'll be posting in this thread whenever I see fit. If not, I'll be reading it over to see how I've progressed into this state some drug will put me into.

Who knows, maybe it will make everything better.


Sorry for the thread, just needed to type. Not necessarily make any sense.

[Scornic]

I'm sorry that I can't offer much in the way of advice, but I definitely agree that typing things out is good to get things off your chest sometimes. More power to you for doing so. I hope the meds work, but I can understand the desire to not take them. I too won't take pills like advil. Hell, I once fought off a full sinus infection before finally going to a doctor, by which time he told me antibiotics wouldn't be necessary as the infection is gone.

I do have a question though. How did you find your psychologist? I feel uneasy about people found on google and my campus doesn't offer much.

[jason]

My doctor referred me to a lovely lady. I think I got very lucky, as I've heard horror stories about some.

[Scornic]

I don't have a doctor. I went into campus health once for the sinus infection that had passed and once to get my immunization shots before studying abroad. Any suggestions?

[jason]

I don't have a doctor. I went into campus health once for the sinus infection that had passed and once to get my immunization shots before studying abroad. Any suggestions?

I would test the waters. Psychologists too, as much training as they have.. well.. They can have limited minds. Some can't understand your problems.

It's all about finding one that understand you, and one you feel confident in taking the advice of. Sometimes it's more just having a source you can talk to in confidentiality that can be a big load off your back.

[Scornic]

Well the vast expanses of the internet haven't got a clue as to what to say to me past "Um I guess just keep trying?" so I don't want to waste a bunch of money spending several sessions explaining my situation and rejecting all the ideas as things I HAVE already tried.

Like, I don't even know where to look. Do I just walk into campus health go up to the front desk and say "I have trouble expressing physical affection. I need a Psychologist."?

[jason]

Yeah. Pretty much. You can avoid blurting out your problem if you feel like you don't want to say it.

[c00lryguy]

I've had some pretty harsh anxiety problems for about a year and a half now. It's been steadily getting worse. I used to smoke about a quarter oz to a half oz a day, and that would keep me nice n calm. I would avoid thinking thoughts which end in extreme anxiety (death, "why are we here", "why are people so horrible", etc.). It would change those thoughts to "wow, I'm hungry" and "lol.. homer simpson is funneh". But then I had to quit because I moved to NC (again) in June and I didn't have any hookups. When I got my job, I found a hookup but another employee said he could get me in with his second job but it requires a drug test. So I ended up not smoking for 2 months and the employee ended up not helping me get the second job. So, last week I decided to pick up a bag.

I've been smoking and my anxiety has been cut in half already and it's only been a week. I just take a couple hits and I'm blazed for hours now. I'm not as worried about the things I usually am anymore.

I think the best way to smoke is not in mass quantitys but with a couple of hits through out the day. It keeps the tolerance down and the effects of the weed up.

Now, my stepfather has had anxiety for years. Afraid of crowds, constant panic attacks, and generally anti-social. He used to be on probation so he got piss tests, so he couldnt smoke and took meds (Lexapro) to try to weed (pun intended) out the anxiety. Well, when he got off probation, I started getting weed for him. He immediately dropped the meds (he used to have to take 2 or 3 per day) and switched to smoking about 1 or 2 hits of pot every couple of days or so. Not only did the pot have a better effect on him than the lexapro did, the weed didn't screw with his head, like the lexapro did. He's actually back to "normal", when it comes to his anxiety.

Sorry for the long post but the moral of the story is: Actually try to use marijuana medically instead of recreationally. It has really, really worked for me (and is working for me right now)

[Rawrx3Katie]

Jason:

Writing things out usually helps, and getting opinions on it can be encouraging, so it's great that you started this thread. I'm glad you've found a good psychologist, talking out issues is the best way to start on trying to resolve them. Really one should always question taking a pill instead of being completely trusting of it, I get where you're coming from. I hope the best comes from the medication you're going to be taking and it doesn't change who you are, but changes the negative feelings you have.

Jared:

We've talked a bit about what's going on with you and your relationships, and I don't see why you wouldn't be the most frustrated about your situation. In all honesty I think it'd be a great thing if you found a good psychologist. Asking around and getting opinions from the general online public hasn't seemed to go so well for you. Try to find local psychologists and get background information on them before you decide if it's worth giving them a try.

C00lry:

Ya.. But so often people who smoke don't limit themselves, thus not using it medically but in extreme amounts, etc. The way you described it I understand why you and your father would use it, but I don't commend really any of my friends who use it. Their purposes are minor.. Other things could help them, and they smoke as much as they can whenever they get their hands on some. If it's responsibly and reasonably used then I personally don't have an issue with it. I'd like to think there's a better way, one not involving smoking nor medications, to decrease the anxiety, etc. in ones life though.

[Catalysm]

I used to smoke about a quarter oz to a half oz a day

Dude, how did you AFFORD that?

[skilldude]

it's good that you share your thoughts like this because people can help. So first clear your mind. And picture yourself there and just imagine for a few seconds about what you want that person to be. Then make that image of yourself do those things, then try doing them yourself

[c00lryguy]

Dude, how did you AFFORD that?

Import/Export >_>

[HungryMonkey]

I went through a period of deep depression as well. What I found the best thing to do then is to take a step back and look at yourself. What are you doing to yourself that is causing you to feel this way? What is not your fault? It is important to understand why you feel like you do, and to recognize what you can do for yourself and what is not your fault. It keeps you from wallowing in self pity or blaming something on yourself that is not your fault. The other thing I would say is to remember that you can not under any circumstances let yourself become emotionally detached from others. It is the WORST thing you can do, and it will lead to further isolation. You're on the right path by acknowledging that you need help and you need to remember to be open, people go through rough spots all the time and they work through it, you're going to be fine.