Uncommon Girl Issue

[Scornic]

Uncommon for XGen in the sense that the response isn't "grow a pair and ask her out."

This isn't too important because everything so far that has worked has been when I ignore advice and do what I feel is right, but I have a slight question. Basically, I've known this girl at my church (we are both rather religious) for a year. She's older than me and everything I look for in a girl, so for all of last year I didn't make any moves to cross the friendship line. This semester things have changed, and I already passed the "How do I ask her out?" part. I asked her "Want to get dinner with me sometime?" and we are going to get dinner sometime this weekend or next week. The question I have comes from something Neo told me. He says I shouldn't kiss her (at least not on the lips) after our date, and I shouldn't have a "where do you see this going?" talk until after the first kiss.

I know you guys don't know anything about the situation and whatnot, but basic summary is that she is very affectionate with me, and has shown absolutely no negative signs. At most maybe apathy, but that could very well be because of shyness. We have a ton in common, from what we enjoy doing for fun, to morals, and even to the desire for classical "Frank Sinatra" style of things, rather than modern day club-culture. I simply want to know what you guys think are reasons not to try to kiss her (if the date has gone really well) goodnight?

[Spectral]

Um go for the kiss; I doubt it will make a difference in the long run.

Reasons not to go for the kiss
If you forget to bring mints and your breath starts to smell like crap
If she ate something bizarre or nasty at your date like sardines deepfried in garlic and onions

Seriously there are no reasons. Maybe Neo doesn't brush his teeth which is why he doesn't like going for the kiss on first dates. I doubt it'd make a difference which you do first but I say you just go for the peck after your date.

Also, this is completely irrelevant, but I ####ING HATE shy girls. Of course I don't like obnoxiously loud ones, but I don't like girls who are afraid to speak up in public. It pisses me off to no end. My ex was loud as #### in comparison to myself- I come off pretty reserved.

[Dan]

Well, Scornic. It's all up to you. Do you want to kiss her on the first date, or not? I guess it is more of a "spur of the moment kind" of thing. Do you what you feel is right after you have had dinner with her.

[fruitycaker1]

If you do kiss her, cover your pockets so she doesn't steal your money.

Long story.

[Scornic]

She isn't shy in public. She gets shy around me sometimes.

[Doug05257]

It depends on how the date goes. If it's a miserable failure and she had a terrible time, that's really the only reason why you might not go for it. But if she likes you as much as you say (getting shy around you is a pretty strong sign) then it probably won't matter as much. If you feel like it's appropriate at the time, go for it.

My opinion: go for the kiss no matter what happens.

[denacioust]

Yeah, go for the kiss, unless it's a disastrous date, I'm talking severed limbs here. Why wouldn't you? Even just a little peck on the lips or whatever, not full-on making out, but a kiss just to show you're interested. Girls generally, well at least the girls I know anyway, like kissing as much as guys do, they'll generally want you to kiss them as much as you want to kiss them.

[jason]

Yeah, go for the kiss, unless it's a disastrous date, I'm talking severed limbs here. Why wouldn't you? Even just a little peck on the lips or whatever, not full-on making out, but a kiss just to show you're interested. Girls generally, well at least the girls I know anyway, like kissing as much as guys do, they'll generally want you to kiss them as much as you want to kiss them.

Unless you're a ####ty kisser. Then they'll stop you after 5 seconds.

[Kerry]

You cant know if you will kiss BEFORE you go on the date... its all about the vibes she gives off and how the dinner goes... You will know if you should kiss her or not by the end of the date... If she is touching our arm and hugging you and getting close to you then yes, go for a peck. Dont try to stick your tongue down her throat :p. general rule of thumb is just a quick peck and then a hug. Dont use the tongue unless you have been kissing for 10+ seconds. :p

And having the "where is this going talk"... At your age and her age you should never have that talk :P You will know where its going (and please nobody say "to the bedroom" HEY-OH). If you guys have a good date and continue to go on them and kiss and hold hands and hug and such it just naturally turns into a boyfriend-girlfriend thing... You don't have to sit her down and ask her flat out "will you be my girlfriend" or "where do you see us going" :p

[キバ (Kiba)]

You cant know if you will kiss BEFORE you go on the date... its all about the vibes she gives off and how the dinner goes... You will know if you should kiss her or not by the end of the date... If she is touching our arm and hugging you and getting close to you then yes, go for a peck. Dont try to stick your tongue down her throat :p. general rule of thumb is just a kick peck and then a hug. Dont use the tongue unless you have been kissing for 10+ seconds. :p

And having the "where is this going talk"... At your age and her age you should never have that talk :P You will know where its going (and please nobody say "to the bedroom" HEY-OH). If you guys have a good date and continue to go on them and kiss and hold hands and hug and such it just naturally turns into a boyfriend-girlfriend thing... You don't have to sit her down and ask her flat out "will you be my girlfriend" or "where do you see us going" :p
Well said, I don't think anyone could've put it better, male or female.

[~Nooba~]

Ih8emoticons.

Just do what feels right at the moment, because thats what you're gonna end up doing anyways.

[Scornic]

Wait, if I never have a talk then how does it ever become official?

As I expected, I will play it by ear. Since none of you seem to have a problem with me kissing her if everything seems right, then I won't hesitate if I get the vibe.

[fruitycaker1]

You don't have to be like "omg lets go out" for it to be official.
You'll both pretty much realize it without asking.

[~Nooba~]

I usually wait for her to introduce me as her boyfriend, it avoids the awkward questioning.

[Flaemd Ftw]

Depending on how long you've been friends, it might get real weird, real fast.

[Vagrant]

Kissing should come when it feels natural. There's never a moment when you can define it as the "perfect" moment. But usually you can sense the appropriate moment. It can be on the first date, or it can be on the third, it doesn't matter.

[Flaemd Ftw]

Do it in the rain. Makes it more romantic.

Trust me.

[キバ (Kiba)]

Do it in the rain. Makes it more romantic.

Trust me.
Hmm...should I or shouldn't I?

Just follow Kerry's advice

[Ace2cool]

i usually wait for her to introduce me as her boyfriend, it avoids the awkward questioning.


qft

edit: and, as everyone else said, just wing it.

girls love that ####.