Girl Problem

[Lui]

For two years, I have walked into a predicament I cannot that I have found difficult overcome.

A friend of mine, who shall remain anonymous, caught my heart a year ago. I don't really know how she did, but I happened to fall for her.
Many of you will find me deluded when I say that I have indeed fallen in love with her and at such an age, I understand how it can be absurd to some of you.

Every waking second of my life, her image is stitched relentlessly into my thoughts. Even a simple smile from her, brightens the day completely. I will not argue whether or not if I am truly in love, for I am only here for advice.

A large portion of you would point me toward the usual advice of getting my mind off her (e.g play some sport, find a hobby..etc.) but as time passes, it grows even harder for me to get over her and the sadness only builds.

She apparently knows how I feel about her, but of course, she does not return any similar feelings.

I am out of words and out of possible people to talk to. So I have come to you guys for any advice on what I could do to turn my back on the hope that -- as it seems -- doesn't exist.

[Chimpy]

Er.. Why can't you ask her out? Do you really have to just ignore her?

[ripht|CoC]

In my experience, you've only got three options.

One: Get her out of your life. She's clearly causing you pain, and as long as you're around her it's going to continue. I know it sounds like a poor solution, but you have to ask yourself if her friendship is really worth it. Unrequited love sucks. Sometimes it's best to just get out. Don't hang out with her. If she makes an effort to hang out with you, make an excuse. Don't answer if she calls or texts you. Delete her from your instant messenger clients. Do what you've gotta do to keep away from her. It'll make getting over her infinitely easier.

Two: Endure. If her friendship is worth it, then carry on. This too shall pass. The most likely outcome of this choice is that one day you'll find another girl who'll like you back, and you'll forget all about this one. I know that seems unlikely, but it's true. However, in the meantime it'll suck quite frankly.

Three: Be bold. Women are attracted to confidence. You say that she "apparently" knows about your feelings, so clearly you've never talked to her about it. You've never made a move. So make a grand romantic gesture, be bold. What's the worst that could happen? Your situation can't get worse than it is now.

Unrequited love is frustrating and depressing and really just awful. I happen to be in a similar situation. Don't worry, mate. You're young. I know this seems like it's swallowing your entire life right now, but you've got a whooole lot more life to live. This too shall pass.

[denacioust]

What is it you like about this girl? Is it that you started to like her because you thought there might have been some chance of her being your girlfriend. Or was it maybe just because other guys liked her?
I don't mean to demean your feelings but I know quite a few guys who fall madly in 'love' with girls just because other guys like her, i.e. just looking for the 'trophy' girl, only to lose interest when popular taste dictates.

I'd ask you to examine your reasons for 'loving' her. I know it will be hard to pinpoint it but if you're liking her for the wrong reasons then it's not love, you could simply be infatuated with a girl, and the more you can't have her the more you want her.

If the girl doesn't like you after this time then I'd hate to admit but she probably won't ever like you. If it's any consolation a one-way relationship even if you do 'love' her won't be worth either of your time.

[Lui]

I guess I'm going to have to take approach to all three choices.

But I guess I've already done the first option. There was a point in my life where I just blacked out from all the stress from this, family and school. I figured that if I blocked out everything in my life, all the sadness would simply go away. It didn't quite work though, and she seemed to dislike me for it which I really didn't want.

Second choice is the most ideal to me, because her friendship does mean quite a lot to me. Right now, I've got enough hope to try and get through this, so I'm just gonna' have to try and hang on.

For the third one, I guess your right. My situation can't get any worse. To me -- and as you said -- a love not returned is the worst thing in the world.

Thanks for the advice, I really needed it. And good luck with your situation.


In response to Chimpy's:

She apparently knows how I feel about her, but of course, she does not return any similar feelings.



To Denacioust's:
As stubborn as I am now, I can clearly and undoubtedly say that I do not like her because other guys do. I do not really see girls as a 'possession' that you flaunt about with other guys (which seems to be the common thing around here where I am)

As you said, I cannot really pinpoint why I love her. She's just so...perfect, you know? I'm not completely talking about her appearance, but she's just really sweet, friendly and funny.

I did not initially like her because I had a hope of having her as a girlfriend, but rather because I had a hope of having something special with her.

As you ridiculous as it may sound, that is what I thought.

[DarkReality]

I know I'm going to sound like an insensitive prick here, but you do know that you'll get over her, right? Keep looking for other girls and ask others out. What you're feeling is unlikely to be actual love or anything similar: it's simply that you enjoy her company and like her. The romantic aspect is probably more or less "imagined".

Unless of course this persisted over the course of several relationships with other girls. In that case, you may as well ask her out and woo her in the most romantic and confident fashion possible ("Hey, I really fell in love with you, so you wanna go out" won't cut it).

If she doesn't fall in love with you now, then make her fall in love (either by potion or by showing her what a great guy you are. Be MANLY! >_>)